Personality is not destiny but it has a strong influence on our experiences, reactions, preferences and behavior. Personality traits are long-term and enduring patterns of behavior that affect us consistently over time, and consistently in a wide range of circumstances. Our traits are our factory settings. They’re difficult or impossible to change, but we can modify how we respond, how we deal with new situations and how we choose to conduct our lives. We all can grow, develop and build skills to help us better deal with life.
Of the five major personality traits, the factor of Emotional Reactivity is most closely associated with psychological health and well-being. People on the low end of this spectrum are inclined to be calm, relaxed, even keeled and stress tolerant. Most of us reside somewhere in the middle, experiencing occasional frustrations and anxieties but typically not reacting too strongly. However, people of high emotional reactivity tend to be hot reactors. That is, they express their irritations, insecurities, emotional states and general intensity directly and sometimes forcefully. This can obviously have negative consequences for career progression and life success in general if not managed effectively.
Think of the hot reactor process as a circuit with two switches. The first switch is thrown automatically as a reaction to something that upsets us. That normally leads to flipping in the second switch, which closes the loop and produces the behavioral response to the frustrating event. Hot reactors have a short fuse and respond quickly to triggering events. As people get better at understanding why they respond as they do, they can extend the time between the trigger and the response. Think of it as building “yellow flag” pause-and-reflect skills.
One of the most effective tools to help build resilience and develop skills and insights to manage hot reactor tendencies is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). With the knowledge and techniques that can result from coaching or therapeutic interventions, and with the energy from consistent work and self-discipline, people can become more effective managing their triggers and patterns of counterproductive behavior.
Another way to understand the emotional reactivity process is to use the A-B-C framework:
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Here are some other common-sense things to consider:
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It’s hard to change ingrained behavioral and emotional patterns. But with the right strategies and motivation, people can get better at dealing with the complexities and frustrations of life. A useful re-frame for change is to remember your purpose. You don’t have to do a deep dive into the philosophical or spiritual here. No matter your situation or circumstances, this is what you need to keep saying to yourself: My purpose is to make things better, not worse.